It's Time for a change...

I remember, I wanted so much -- success  money, recognition, self expression, freedom. I started acquiring them all one by one, some of which I already have. But when I got them on hand, I absolutely had no clue as to what I really needed. At times, my passionate hungers were so high, I can only deal with them through denial and avoidance. I was a workaholic, careaholic, loveaholic, and a perfectionist. I can't even remember the last time I was kind to myself. Or was I ever? More often than it feels comfortable to admit, I was an angry, envious person, constantly comparing myself with others only to become resentful of what seemed to be missing in my life. 

This secret sense of longing contributed to what I am now. I remember all the failures I've been through. I remember being controlled that I wanted so much to break through. I remember wanting to live my life the way I exactly wanted to. I remember all the tremendous pain of what seemed like an endless abyss of suffering, disappointment, and hurt. 

"You only live once -- but if you work it right, once is enough."

It's time for a change.. 

I then realized I have to carve out a quiet interlude for myself. A quiet sanctuary where I can dream with a pen in hand. That was when I realized that only dreams give birth to change. Gradually, I became a curator of my own contentment, and learned to embrace the gentle yearnings of my heart.

I started believing..

I started to believe in myself. And I started to gain all confidence, self worth and respect, all that made me into an outspoken, straightforward, self contained person that some or most people despised.